Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Season 5: Something Borrowed, Something Blue

Dear Elsie,

No, I haven't forgotten my promise to recap "Crossed Up" from Season 3. And I will keep this promise even if it kills me! However, fate intervened today. You see, I was ill and languishing on the couch this morning when lo and behold...Grady's wedding popped up on TV Land! How could I resist this episode?? I immediately vowed to write a post about it while it was still fresh in my mind! Thus, I present to you..."Something Borrowed, Something Blue", AKA "Four Vintage Facelifts and a Meat Thermometer".

Jessica's nephew Grady is finally going to make it legal with his fiancee Donna with a lavish wedding at her father's estate. Sadly, before the quirky couple can walk down the aisle, the Mayberry family cook Harriet turns up dead in the garden with a meat thermometer jabbed in her back. I guess you could say her goose was cooked?? (Waaah wahhhh.) I beg of you Grady, just elope already!

The Suspects

Uncle Ben Mayberry - ladies man and general elderly cad about town, he even tried to hit Jessica up for a little "night cap"...if ya know what I mean! (Madly in Love with Jess counter??) Maybe Harriet spurned his advances one too many times and he couldn't handle the rejection?

Uncle Ziggy - brought his new fiancee Valerie to the nuptials. Perhaps Ziggy snapped after years of extreme devotion to his ailing mother?

Valerie - Snooty and crabby is a powerful combination. Maybe she was having a menopause moment and let loose on poor Harriet!

Mrs. Belle Pentworth - Daddy Mayberry's biggest client. I confess: I was too busy analyzing her preternaturally taut 80's facelift to notice much in way of a motive. (Still better than the overly botoxed look!)

Wilfred Wynn III - Donna's illustrious ex-boyfriend and former Fullbright scholar cruised into town on his Harley, hair and bandanna blowing in the breeze, to crash Donna's wedding. Did a jealous Wilfred try to postpone the wedding via stabbing?

Famous Actors
Oh my...almost too many scenery chewers to mention! First off, I'm sure you recognized the victim, Harriet Lundgren, as the housekeeper from "Two and a Half Men". Everybody else was a classic comedy actor during the 50's-80's...Patricia Barry as Mrs. Pentworth, Eugene Roche as Franklin Mayberry (roles on "Night Court", "Perfect Strangers", etc.), Howard Morris as Uncle Ziggy (famous cartoon voice actor for Hanna-Barbera, and Gale Storm as Maisie Mayberry (had her own show and minor pop stardom in the 50's!).

I almost forgot! The murderer, Valerie, was played by Betsy Palmer...famous for being Jason's mom in "Friday the 13th"!

80's Baby
I'm sorry, but I totally want Jessica's black blouse with tiny polka dots! It was cute. Otherwise, this episode stands out for it's extreme use of shoulder pads. By the way...do you think if we just hold onto our pearl and sequin encrusted TURTLENECK wedding dresses with puffed sleeves that they'll eventually be back in style again? Oh that's right...my dress was strapless silk satin. My memory is so bad that I almost time warped myself into the 80's!

You must know that I just saw an episode of "Say Yes to the Dress" with a young woman who insisted on wearing a turtleneck on her wedding day. It was/is her "signature" look! God help us. At least it wasn't a mock turtleneck.

The End?
Turns out our poor Harriet recognized Pamela as Mrs. Parker, a creepy woman who skipped town with a hefty insurance check after her hubby died of mysterious causes. Pamela was worried that the truth would come out about her real identity so she stabbed Harriet. Geez...how many other people has this broad murdered? Why not add another to list while you're at it, Pam!

Did Grady and Donna even actually get hitched this episode??

I would be remiss if I didn't say something about the commercials airing with this episode. If I were a Medicare-eligible, limited mobility elderly person suffering from diabetes and/or mesothelioma that is in need of life insurance, a Safe Step Tub and a Hoveround then this is the show to watch!!


anne said...

Another one of THE most hilarious episodes of MSW ever!

You promise you'll go back and review "Crossed Up?" Good! Sooooo many counter hits in that one! Enough to (hopefully) make up for the fact that Grady's in it.

Kitten said...

Ha! Yes, I promise!! And you are absolutely right! :)

Elsie said...

What's so hilarious is I watched THIS EXACT EPI THIS MORNING OFF THE DVR. What a double treat, I got to watch it and then read your hilarious recap.

A few things: RE: the wedding dress, I have wondered this as well and the answer is "yes" and "thank goodness" we dodged that turtleneck bullet.

The commercials, you are forgetting the robo-electric chair that takes you up/down stairs, that one is always on.

Finally, I cannot believe Jason's mom is in a MSW epi, just... wow.

Can't wait for "Crossed up!"

Kitten said...

Like! According to a Q&A commercial from The Scooter Store, I could possibly qualify for my own scooter!!

anne said...

And Wilfred Brimley can get you your diabetes testing supplies for free. ;)