Sunday, March 21, 2010

Season 1: Death Takes a Curtain Call

Bad Russian accents galore on today’s MSW epi. Actually, even when I hear real Russians talk it sounds like they are putting me on. So maybe that’s really how they sound. Alright, enough jibber jabber, let’s DO IT!


The Russian ballet has come to Boston, and Jess is planning on attending, despite the fact that anti-Russian “no Red culture here!” protests have plagued the production. But Jess isn’t buying that McCarthyism flim flam. And I’m not buying that these are real ballerinas, they are all far too fat. Just kidding! OMG these accents! It’s, “killing me.”


It doesnt help that they add on Iron-Chef-like florid dialogue, “You dance like a flower petals in the wind Natalia!” This lovely missive comes from Irene, friend to both Natalia and Alexander, our dancing stars. But there is something decidedly amiss at the Boston ballet. For one, Jess’ companion, Leo Peterson, is acting darn near strange throughout the entire performance. Add in a bunch of KGB agents doing, what MSW assumes KGB agents do, stalk around with ear buds and look sinister. At the end of the dance, Alexander and Natalia are missing. And OH guess what! KGB agent, Serge Beretsky (madeupRussianspelling) is found dead in their dressing room. And they are obviously guilty, as they are Russian.


Sorry about that, but it’s so easy to poke fun at MSW stereotypes. I’m half Russian if that makes it any better. Just kidding, I’m totally not.

Major Karsov KGB security, who was the first to find our dancers missing, and Agent Beretsky dead. He has a handy theory on who killed Beretsky. And it’s not him. Anyways, first on the scene, first suspect. That’s just how it is.

Velma Roedecker “Neurotic anti-communist” who likes protesting things like Russian ballets, and attacked Beretsky the night of his murder by slapping him around a bit. She claimed she didn’t kill him though. Convinced?

Irene Molotov— Just kidding on that last name, I didn’t feel like butchering another one. This fellow dancer makes serious, “I LOVE YOU” eyes at Alexander, and reserves very different eyes (also known as “stink”) for his lady love, Natalia. Was Natalia the intended victim when she entered their dressing room that night?

Famous Actors

I’m sure there were, in a very loose sense of the phrase, but they weren’t listed on the Netflix website. Hence, they do not appear here. I did think of reading about Russian social life during the 80’s on Wiki but then thought the better of it. Maybe later.

80's Baby

The accents are so distracting I wasn’t able to dial down on the bad 80’s fashion. There is some Rocky Horror-esque makeup used on Alexander. Their version of stage makeup, apparently. This made me think of how awesome that movie is, “In just 7 days, I can make you a Maaaaaa a a a aaaaan!” So great.

The End?

Jess postulates that the Ruskie dancers were planning to defect to good old ‘merica. And really, Russia in the 80’s, who wouldn’t? This really isin’t such a brilliant deduction on her part. Her ballet companion, Leo Peterson, is Natalia’s long-lost Uncle, and arranged their defection himself. Trusting in their innocence, Jess decides to do some detecting of her own. She worms her way into the police station to tell a KGB agent, along with someone from the FBI, what all the pieces of evidence mean (the dancer's innocence of course). It’s clear that Major Karosv and the KGB are hot on her trail, so she hides the “Ruskie toe dancers” (Sheriff Tupper’s words), in Cabot Cove, working as very convincing boat hands.

Remember Velma, the crazy protestor? Well she gets arrested, and Jess gets antsy, so she decides to check up on the Ruskies hidden in her hometown. Because they’ll be hungry and need some dinner. But she hides them before dinner can start, so a FBI agent can come in and bug Jess’s telephone. Obviously, he is in disguise. But after he leaves, Jess debunks his story with a little Maine know-how. Using the bugged phone to her advantage, she lures the love-sick Irene to Cabot Cove with an amorous phrase purportedly from Alexander. But she should know better, because Jess loves these little set ups. Sherriff Tupper and Major Karosv turn up just in time to watch Irene confess. Turns out she was in love with Alexander, and killed Beretsky before he could sound the alarm and ruin the escape.

Complaint: bad form MSW, introducing Irene as serious suspect über late in the game. Because of this, I forgive Irene for her killing ways. If only for the accent.


Kitten said...

Oh Sheriff Tupper! Sounds like something my dad would say. I remember how convincing the Russian ballet dancers were a faux sailors. SO convincing!

"I’m half Russian if that makes it any better. Just kidding, I’m totally not." LOL!!!

I agree with your complaint. Le sigh, Irene.

Elsie said...

Oddly enough, I think there is another MSW which involves Russian ballet dancers...

MattyMatt said...

You know, I spent the first 20 years of my life in New England, and I never heard anyone call Maine "down east."