Monday, August 17, 2015

Season 9: Lone Witness

My good friend and fellow MSW enthusiast, Kitten, reminded me about the Neil Patrick Harris epi. After some wiki-search, it seems this was the first TV spot he picked after Doogie Howser ended. Which is clearly why he's so ridiculously successful today. Folks, take note. All roads lead to Angela Lansbury.


Jess is in New York City (whip-crack) visiting with a cook book enthusiast. While they argue over bay leaves, Jess finds time to mentor a young writer by the name of Tommy Remsen. He works at the grocery store on the corner, or as they say in NYC the "BODEGA." See, how cultured I am? Anyways, Tommy witnesses his crush, Monica Ever, being killed by a sneak thief. He bolts when shots ring out. The Cops don't believe him, and Jess is on the case in a New York minute. Cue theme music!

The Suspects?

Lt. Steve Warren--Shifty cop who seems eager to pin the murder on Tommy. What could he be hiding?  

Tommy Remsen--
He did have a serious crush on Monica. Were his attentions rebuffed?

Sandy Oates--
Meddlesome neighbor who knows far too much about Monica's habits. Did Sandy's obsession tip her over the edge?

90's Baby!

Monica has the most perfect 80/90s transition perm I've seen in awhile. Softer than the 80's do, with greater emphasis on the perfect curl, and less susceptibility to spontaneous combustion due to a combination of hazardous hair products and open flame. Fashion bloggers, put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Famous Actors 

NPH, natch.
The End?

Tommy tells Lieutenant Warren what he saw. Warren pooh-poohs (a technical term) the tale. He thinks he's got the perp in the bag, with Tommy as his key suspect! Jessica believes Tommy, especially when she finds a bullet in the groceries he was delivering. Jess confronts Warren with the evidence, but he isin't convinced.

Determined to clear Tommy, Jess interviews Monica's meddlesome neighbor, Sandy Oates. The Oates-lady tells Jessica that Monica ran with a fast crowd. Jess further confirms this after bumping into some money-men looking for Monica. Apparently, she owed a lot of dangerous people some serious greenbacks. Jess files this information away.

Meanwhile, Tommy's father is worried about his son. Seems he's gone missing. Jess is worried, and together they track Tommy down to an athletic club. They find, not Tommy, but a noted jewel thief shot dead. Tommy is hiding upstairs, and how convenient, there is a gun located right near him. Tommy proclaims his innocence, but the long arm of the law has a prison cell with his name on it.

Jess is at a loss for what to do, until a cooking-metaphor makes a light bulb go off. She stages the old, patented Fletcher set-up. Inviting Lieutenant Warren to Monica's apartment, she uncovers a bag of diamonds in a potted plant. How did she know? It all goes back to what Tommy saw. He didn't see anyone shoot at him. Why? Because the person who did it was hiding behind the killer--the jewel thief's partner, Lieutenant Warren. As he rebuffs her theory, she speculates that he was the connection between Monica and the jewel thief--both had to do his bidding or he would turn them in. As he finally confesses, his partners come in from the bedroom. They had been listening the whole time. And that's how it's done in big city.


Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Season 12: Big Easy Murder

Oh-my-gaw I finally went to NOLA for work. I love it, it's like a lowbrow Vegas, and I LOVE Vegas. I had so much fun I wanted to review an epi where Jess is in New Orleans. I believe there are two, this one features machete murders. YES.


Jessica is researching a book in the Big Easy, and her friend, Jim Nash, was supposed to lend a hand. That is, until he got killed via machete. The detective on the case finds a Voodoo talisman, the killer's calling card! Jess is staying with Senator Brent Renwyck, who assures her she is safe and sound in their ginormous house. For reference, I stayed at a Hilton.

The Suspects?

Brent Renwyck--The Senator got in over his head with his failing nightclub, and word on the street is Jim Nash was investigating. Did he chop out that pesky reporter?

Mel Carter--Muscle for local gangster Frank Roussel. Did he kill Nash for a little NOLA fun?

Frank Roussel--Mobster who "owns" the NOLA nightclubs. Did Jim poke around too closely in his underhanded business?

80's Baby!

Doode, I forgot about the color-popping trend in the 80's. Check out the burgundy awesome to the right.

Famous Actors

Robert Forster  of Max Cherry fame. He's kinda perfect.

The End?

Jessica learns that Jim was investigating a string of nightclub related nonsense. Apparently, local mobster Frank Roussel has been muscling in on different clubs. And what do you know? Jessica's host, Senator Renwyck, has also fallen prey to Roussel himself! Jess struts around New Orleans, investigating the case, with Roussel's muscle on her tail, a dangerous man by name of Mal Carter.

Ye ol Senator gets himself in a bind, when a paternity issue with his wife's estate means a full audit of his business. He knows his underworld dealings will come to light, but just before they do he turns up dead in his house. Jess is hot on the trail, returning to his nightclub to investigate. She notices one of Roussel's mobsters is missing his red rose boutineer. Strange. Well, strange in an MSW epi.

She finds out there was a small puncture mark near Renwyck's hand, and theorizes the poison must have been administered from a small pin prick--perhaps a needle hidden in a boutineer? After a Fletcher set up she confronts Roussel, just when his minon goes for her with a needle--the cops arrive. All is well! And scene.

Monday, December 15, 2014

Season 4: Doom with a View

Ok, so in the spirit of giving I'm reviewing an epi with Grady in it. Every time this kid screws something up I want to slap him Three Stooges style. 


Jess is visiting Grady in New York. Due to the roach problem at Grady's apartment (see sentiments above) he takes her to a posh NYC hotel. How can Grady afford such opulence? His old fraternity brother, Garrett Harper, is married to the owner—the cougarish Cornelia Montaigne. An old friend also happens to be staying at the hotel, the beautiful Sandra Clemons. Grady takes her out on an uber awkward date before returning to her hotel room. He intends to drop back in for a nightcap, but what does he find? A dead Sandy. Great job, dude.

The Suspects?

Garrett Harper—Seen leaving the living room of the hotel suite the night of Sandy’s death. Cornelia was convinced Garrett was having an affair with Sandy. Did he silence her to keep his secret?

Cornelia Montaigne—Super jelly wife of Garrett who was losing her mind over his many mistresses. Did she finally snap?

Mark Havlin—Cornelia’s long-suffering right hand man, who is the eyes and ears of the hotel. He seemed on edge after Sandy’s body was recovered. What is he hiding?

80’s Baby!

Witness! The gigantic bow. I had this in all the colors of the rainbow. 

Famous Actors

Janet Leigh of Psycho fame, who is utterly fabulous—as you might expect.

The End?

Garrett admits to Grady that he had been seeing Sandra some years ago. He asks Grady to retrieve a bracelet for him from the crime scene. Devoted idiot that he is, Grady breaks into Sandy's hotel room and is predictably caught. His old buddy Garrett does nothing to defend him. In fact, everyone seems fine with leaving him in jail. After shaming the inspector in charge of the case in a manner befitting an amateur detective—Jess finally gets her break. Sandy came to the hotel frequently, each time receiving large deposits of money. Jess theorizes Sandy was blackmailing someone in the hotel. 

Jessica corners Garrett’s mother—who admits a blackmail-able secret. Garret was already married . . . to Sandy! A secret he was desperate to hide from Cornelia. While both Cornelia and Garrett had motive, Jess can't find evidence of their direct involvement in Sandy's murder. Wracking his tiny brain, Grady explains he saw Sandy place an envelope in her purse on the night of the murder. Putting two and two together, Jess figures this is the marriage certificate. But it's not enough, she needs to schedule one of her patented Fletcher set ups. 

She confronts Mark Havlin, Cornelia’s right-hand man. He admits he knew about Garrett’s secret marriage, and even has evidence to prove it—a marriage certificate. Jess remains silent as he removes it from the safe and flaps it around in front of her. Grady feels useful at this point, and indicates that was the exact envelope he saw Sandy place in her purse the night of her murder. Mark could only have if if he was in Sandy's room that night. Confronted with this damning evidence (I'm being nice), Mark confesses. After killing her, Mark realized he could continue blackmailing Garrett, so he took the marriage license. Jess clucks her tongue, as the killer hangs his head. All in a day's work!

Monday, August 11, 2014

Season 4: Witness for the Defense

I TRIED to watch Outlander. And the whole time I be like, "when will the time travel start?" Or more importantly, "why watch this when MSW is avails?" #tragicallyunhip.

Jess is in Quebec City testifying on behalf of her novelist friend, Jim Harlan. Jim’s wife, Patricia, died in a fire at the "country house" and he’s about to swing for it. Why don't I have friends with country houses? I feel left out. Ok, back to murder. It looks bad for poor Jim. But Jessica won't let a fellow author get framed for murder.

The Suspects?

Monica Blaine— Former roommate of Patricia's who was blackmailing her about an inconvenient prison sentence. 

Jim Harlan—A witness overheard Jim telling Patricia that he would "kill her" rather than grant her a divorce. Did he?

Judith Harlan— Mommy dearest had to pay a pretty penny to keep revelations about Patricia's past a secret. Did she get tired of the charade?

Famous Actors

Claire Trevor, film noir queen and wearer of awesome sequined garments. 

80’s Baby

Exhibit A is what I wanted to look like in the 80’s. And you know what, I still kinda want to look like that. So sue me.

The End?

Jessica thinks Patricia was dead before the fire consumed the country house. Of course, her logic is pooh-poohed by the defense attorney, a prickly fellow by the name of Oliver Quayle. After he trounces her on the witness stand, Jess is at a dead end. She confronts Jim about his marriage. He admits things weren't great, and that Patricia took out $20k on the day of her murder. Jim also confesses that he had a relationship with Patricia's old roommate, Monica. Jess wants to help but is annoyed with his evasiveness.

Someone else is annoyed, Jim’s mom, Judith Harlan. She comes to Jessica’s hotel room, begging her to leave Quebec City. Of course, this just intrigues Jessica more. She learns Monica was blackmailing Patricia over her sordid past. How did Patricia pay her? Why, mommy dearest, of course. Judith is devoted to her son, Jim, and would do anything to keep him safe.  But it’s not working, because when Monica takes the stand, she further incriminates Jim.

Jess doesn't think it adds up, and when Quayle’s secretary loses her earring, she remembers why (by jove, I’ve got it!).  The day Patricia died, she wore a distinctive brooch, one which was not found with her body. Jim explains it was an expensive, family heirloom. Now who would want to keep such an item? 

Mommy would! Jessica arranges a little bait and switch, and who do they catch in the act of retrieving the brooch? Judith Harlan. She confronted Patricia about divorcing her son, Jim. They fought, and Judith struck her down, snatching her family's brooch for safekeeping. How’s that for protecting the family jewels?

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Season 6: Dead Letter

Guess what—I’m IN this episode! Not me, like really me. Me in MSW land me. Never mind, you’ll see.


Jessica finds a letter in a bureau she bought at the Cabot Cove rummage sale. Being an upstanding citizen, she delivers it to Bud Fricksey. Proving that no good deed goes unpunished, Bud is later found dead in a local fire. Everyone assumes that smoke inhalation is the cause of death, but Jessica isn’t “everyone.” And when the corner determines that Bud Fricksey died of blunt force trauma, Jessica gives the town the raspberry.  

The Suspects?

Lois Fricksey- Woe-begotten wife of Bud, who perhaps got fed up with his quick temper and killed him dead. Cabot Cove has a lot of these poor wives, makes me want to set up a hotline or something.  

Stanley Holmes- Owner of the furniture store Bud was found in. Stanley recently increased the insurance on his business. Did Bud get in the way of his scheme to defraud the company?

Carl Wilson- Book keeper of the furniture store, Carl got jumpy when asked about the company’s financial health. Maybe HE set the fire, and Bud got in the way.

Famous Actors

Not really, but how much do I want to read Robin Riker’s book on “How to Survive Hollywood?”  Do you guys think I should write one about DC? Maybe I would call it, “Soul for Sale: How to Tank Top your Way to the Senate.” Sound off in the comments.

80’s Baby

Remember that glossy/nude lip? Lois Fricksey does.

The End?

Jessica knows the letter might shed some light on Bud's death. So she confronts the original owner of the bureau, who tells her she stashed the letter away at the behest of the writer—none other than Lois Fricksey.

Jessica confronts Lois (they don’t drink any tea or coffee—which is notable). Lois tells her she wrote the letter when her marriage was crumbling. It was written from the heart—a searing denunciation of Bud and a declaration of the marriage as “over.” But after writing it, Lois had a change of heart. With a little help from a subversive post office employee, the letter was “lost.” Jessica, obviously embarrassed, hastens to tell Lois she delivered the letter. Good one, Jess.

Back at the Cabot Cove police station, an uppity career woman named Connie Kowalski (ME) strolls in on the investigation. Armed with teased hair and a snazzy suit (my signature look)—Connie declares the scene was arson, “plain and simple.” After berating Sheriff Metzger, (I berate men daily) she accuses Stanley Holmes of fraud. Stanley hems and haws, claiming the business was doing well. Putting that aside, Connie expertly concludes her investigation, declaring that benzene was the accelerant used to start the fire.

Jessica thinks back to the day she bought the bureau. There was one person who offered up his “special stripping formula” to Jess. And GUESS what the main ingredient is? Benzene! Sorry, Carl Wilson. Jessica tag team’s Carl with Stanley Holmes. She confronts him on the benzene, while Stanley details the extent of Carl’s book keeping fraud. Apparently, Carl wrote bad checks with the company money.  Bud was simply at the wrong place at the wrong time.  

Friday, June 6, 2014

Season 5: Weave a Tangled Web

WHAT a pleasure to review this epi. Seriously, Anna Ruth was right on the money in selecting this one. We have Jessica fakey-drunk dancing AND a bizarre impression of a "low-class" accent. Onward!


Cabot Cove's resident womanizer, gambler and all-round awesome husband, Eddie Bowman, is found dead in his motel room. Left at the scene of the crime is a note pleading to be "left alone" and a set of house keys. Sounds like a case for the Fletch!

The Suspects? 

Vivian Proctor- Breadwinner of the Proctor household and consummate business woman. "Detectives" (I use this term loosely) find out that the keys left at the crime scene belong to Viv. Her stationary was also matched to the note found at the scene. What reason would she have to kill dear ol' Eddie?

Ralph Proctor- Househusband of Vivian and subject of several dated soliloquies of the "unnaturalness" of men staying home and watching the kinsfolk. True to form, Jessica poo-poohs this sexist nonsense. Nevertheless, if Vivian was carrying on with Eddie, Ralph would have a nice little motive, wouldn't he?

Frankie "The Barman"- He served Eddie the night he was murdered. Deduce from that what you will.

Famous Actors

Old timey actor Mel Ferrer worked in "summer stock" when he was 15. If you've never seen the summer stock reference in Howard Stern's Private Parts, I must insist you rectify that ASAP.

80's Baby!

Jessica rocks the sh*t out of a white trench coat. The fit of which is quite 80's in a oversized shoulder pads kind of way.

The End? 

Jess is interested in the case, but has to jet up to NYC to sign some books and go to an event benefiting kids with cancer or something. I'm not being flip, I just can't remember exactly what the charity is supporting. At the event, she turns around and guess who is there--Vivan Proctor, living a double life as the wife of another man. Vivian begs Jessica not to tell, and Jess complies for the time being. She learns that this charade has been going on for quite some time, and that poor stay-at-home, emasculated Ralph is none the wiser.

Returning to Cabot Cove, Jess finds the new Sherrif (remember that switcheroo?) has already locked up Vivan's husband--convinced the house keys are a sign of his guilt. Jess decides to do some digging on Eddie Bowman, hence the low-class accent, dancing/drunk scene that I took a nice little snap of for your viewing pleasure. There are worse things to watch when you are getting ready for work, right?

Jessica learns Eddie owed lots of money to Augie, a small time crook. She confronts Vivian, who reveals Eddie was blackmailing her about that minor double-life situation. Fearful her secret would be revealed, Vivan paid Eddie $50,000 in cash the night of his murder. But where did the money go? Jessica goes incognito once again, and get's an introduction to Augie, who in his fury about not getting paid, confronts the one person he thinks saw the trade off. 

That's right, "The Barman," Frankie was present when Vivan handed over the $50k to Bowman. Frankie followed him to his motel room and killed him, taking the money for himself and framing Vivan by planting her keys as evidence. Jessica encourages Vivian to reveal all to her husband. Ralph, as you may recall, was just falsely accused of murder and now has to learn his wife has another husband. And that, my friends, is what we call "marriage."

Friday, May 30, 2014

Season 4: Indian Giver

I must warn you all that I am susceptible to flattery.  Or requests for updates, either/or.


An “Indian” (how long has it been since you’ve heard that term) declares an old land grant awards him ownership of Cabot Cove. To press his point, said Indian throws a spear with a copy of the land grant at the Mayor’s podium. When Addison Langley, the town drunk, turns up dead with the same spear impaled in his chest, Jessica is on the case.

The Suspects?

Helen Langley—Beaten wife of town drunk. So we can all agree she has a motive.

Tom Carpenter—Brother of Helen and town enforcer. He didn’t take kindly to his sister being used as a punching bag. Did he take matters into his own hands?

George Longbow—He does like throwing spears, could he have taken the land fight to the next level?

Famous Actors

Nothing that turned up in my half-assed IMDb search.

80’s Baby!

Hello Texas Tuxedo! Not so much 80’s as it is practically perfect in every way.

The End?

The first thing you should know about this epi is it plays the music that you hear when you get a facial at a fancy-pants spa. Like rando-flutey-Native-American-esqe-coyote-howl type music. Also, I love it when Jess teams up with Doctor Seth Hazlitt—they are a super team. Seth notes the body has been moved and theorizes Addison must have been killed elsewhere. He also finds traces of varnish on the man’s hands and sand scattered on his person.

Not to be upstaged by a small-town doctor, Jessica turns her focus to the land grant, which appears to be genuine. This throws the town into an uproar—real estate deals are questioned, men with briefcases are upset, mass hysteria! Before they start hanging witches, a learned professor indicates that George Longbow cannot possibly be linked to the land grant, as a smallpox epidemic wiped out any Algonquins who could inherit. Wow, I am REALLY happy my anthropology degree paid off. I didn’t even need to spell check that joint.

Attempting to cast reason into this cauldron of intrigue (credit: mine), Jessica visits the dead man’s wife, Helen Langley. She is beat up pretty badly, and Jessica offers to make coffee—noticing the kitchen furniture has been freshly painted. Helen claims Addison never came home the previous night, and not wanting to pressure a beaten woman, Jess lets the subject drop. But when Helen’s brother, Tom Carpenter, hauls in George Longbow in his pick-up truck, trussed and (not really) feathered, she wonders whether someone is rather eager to pin the murder on him. Following up on a hunch, she searches George Longbow’s motel room, finding carefully planted evidence. Someone is trying to frame him alright, Jess just needs to determine who . . .

She confronts Helen Langley with that pesky bit of varnish on her husband’s hand. If he never came home that fateful night, where did the paint come from? Helen caves, saying he came home and lashed out at her. She took a kitchen knife and stabbed him. He caught a kitchen chair on his way down, which left the trace evidence. Helen’s brother came to help, planting the body and setting up George Longbow as the most likely suspect.

Jessica shakes her head sadly before we cut to a more jovial scene. Cue a cheesy joke about a peace treaties and freeze frame!